Flying home from New York to southern California after celebrating Jersey Boys' 5th anniversary earlier this month, I started thinking about airport security... WHO RUBS YOU?
(to the tune of "Who Loves You")
Who rubs you, pretty baby
Who's gonna help you catch your flight
Who rubs you, pretty mama
Unless your underwear's too tight
Who gloves you, pretty baby
Who pats you down and feels you up
Who gloves you, frequent flyer
Hey mister, don't you touch my junk
(Who gloves you...)
Who gloves you, pretty baby
Who's gonna rub your bottom
(Who rubs you...)
Who rubs you pretty baby
(Ah, ah, ah)
And if you're feeling like you don't want to get scanned
Just say "opt out" and then say hello to my hand
Baby if you've got to get to LAX from JFK
Come to me...
I'm the TSA
Who rubs you, pretty baby
Your scan may show up on the net
Who rubs you, pretty mama
We're gonna scan you naked
(Who gloves you...)
Who gloves you, pretty baby
Who's gonna rub your bottom
(Who rubs you...)
Who rubs you, pretty baby
(Ah, ah, ah)
If you're a girl the world will know what's your cup size
If you're a guy we'll know if you've been circumcised
Baby if the radiation scares you, please just step aside
Face the wall...
And spread 'em real wide
Who rubs you, pretty baby
I really hate your stinking rules
Who rubs you, pretty mama
Don't you go near the family jewels
Who gloves you, pretty baby
Those gloves don't look like they've been washed
Who gloves you, frequent flyer
We're gonna scan you naked
Who gloves you...
We're gonna glove you, glove you
We're gonna rub your bottom
(Who rubs you)
Who rubs you, pretty baby
Ah haaaaa
Ah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Traveler/aspiring actor on way to Frankie Camp practices opening of "I Go Ape" while awaiting security scan
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